The worst thing when you have mental illness is to tell people who don't have mental illness what mental illness is like.
You can tell them how it feels and how you can't resist it
but their face be like "Haha. Oh really" because I have going through it.
I never meet a doctor but I think I do have mental illness.
I mean, are even normal when you feels like dying but nothing wrong ?
are you even normal when you cut your own skin ?
are even normal when you obsessed to suicide ?
No, right.

So the story is
I have problem about college and try to ask for postpone the semester
and when my lecturer asked me why, I told them "I have depression"
and they smirk.
They give me a smirk.
I can see in their eyes they want to laugh
I can read they want to say "Come on, you should try more with logic excuse"
I also told my mentor that I have depression and she ask me what depression is.
Its sad, its hurt, its painful.
I just hold my self try to not show my wrist as an evidence that I have mental illness
because if I show, I'm totally done.
I don't want go to hospital, okei.

After really hard week, I finally can postpone the semester but its not easy as I think.
Right now, college keep calling my phone, ask for doctor's letter, as an evidence that I do have a mental illness.
This thing make me depress again
I can't find the solution because there is no solution.
No matter how far I look for it, I can't find the solution.
There's a few time I want to cut myself again
but I try to stop, the last time I cut was 21 Oct so I want to change.
I want to stop cutting.
But I don't know if I can keep going forward like this.
I was thinking about quit my study.
But I do love art, I love design, I love multimedia, I love what I'm studying about.
That the only thing hold me from quit
My love towards this art
but I'm just too tired to hold onto it anymore.

And I think people need an education about mental illness especially a parents.
People should try to really understand what is mental illness.
People should start to imagine what it feels like to have mental illness.
Mental illness its not a joke.
Mental illness is not just about swing mood, depress thing.
Mental illness have a lot of branches, a chapter.
Mental illness is a sick. bleeding brain.
So people, please start learn about mental illness.

If you can take cancer seriously then why don't you take a sick brain seriously too ?

Yea, thanks for reading guys
Llama Emoji 27 (Awesome) [V2] 

You Might Also Like


  1. sometimes, it's hard to make people trust us without show any proof. even they got a proof, they still hard to believe. no one can understand our problems. but, you must strong for having any difficulty, okay. jangan ikut sangat perasaan nak quit study, teruskan apa yang awak buat tu. okay? :)


The Mad man Army