The biggest problem about mental illness is 
people with mental illness want to help other people with mental illness.

You can't cure people with mental illness if you have one. 
Maybe the only thing you can do is listen to their problem but then, 
it will make your illness worst as you absorb all the negative thing from the other person. 
In the end, maybe you solve the problem by jumping off the building together.

Haha ok its not funny
Sorry, am bad with joke

But another biggest problem is 
people who don’t have mental illness can’t understand what is being like having a mental illness. 
If you tell them that you're depressed, they will ask why. 
Then, you answer you don't know, 
you just feel everything so wrong but actually nothing wrong 
and they be like

"wth dude."

"Why you are being depressed when nothing is wrong. Are you joke with me"

"Its all inside your head. Be happy"


“Just get over it”

“Nahh, nothing wrong"

It’s actually really really hard to find a person who really really cares about you, 
like really really really cares. 
Actually before, 
I had somebody that was caring about me (maybe). 
We talked every night about life, how I going through my day, 
how I fake my smile in my class and 
how I hide my scar. 

 Sleeve, of course.

She’s also the first person who knows that I cut myself. 
She kinda freaks out and asked me to stop. 
The problem is I can’t stop because it feels good, the sensation is so great. 

Ya, I’m sorry for that

But suddenly one night, she told that she have Bipolar disorder 
(manic depression : causes serious shifts in mood, energy, thinking, and behavior—from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other)
So instead of she listens to me, we start to listen to each other; this is what in my mind. 

But, another night, I message her something like this

“So today, I’m can even open my eyes. I skipped all my classes. I feel like dying”

And she replied 

“Will you please stop tells me your problem? Everyone have problem, I have my own problem and I can’t solve your problem so just stop”

It’s painful.

It’s a horrible feeling.

It feels like I finally woke up and saw all the lies.

But the only thing I can say to her is

“I’m really sorry. I should not even exist. I’m sorry I come in your life. Please take care of yourself

That's the end.
 We never talk again.
I just pray for her to be happy and meet someone that can make her happy
and forget about all this depressed shit. 

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  1. Aww somehow I feel sorry. I've been there. Seriously, been there. I can understand how you feel deep inside you because I've been there. If you want to, you can talk to me and I will listen even when I can't do much about it but at least telling your feelings to someone that understand you can make you feel a lil bit better. :)

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  3. :(
    aaaaaw im sorry i cant help u firdaus.
    but if u want to rant/vent anything u can find me? :)
    and pls dont harm urself :( u make me sad if ure sad hm.
    pls rmmbr that ur cute lovely n worthy n needed n incredible :(

    and yes, pls do talk to me if u want to okay?????????? <3

  4. I wish you will find someone who can listen to all your problem. Stop self harm, there is always people who love and care about you.

    I may not know what youre facing, but i hope you can overcome it.

    Appreciate yourself bcs youre wonderful person. Have a nice day :)

  5. sometimes..people dont undrstnd why we depressed they just keep saying why dont you stop being depressed?
    Its easy for them to say as they doesnt even know how does it feel..

  6. hai , ain datang singgah sini dan follow awak
    salam perkenalan :)


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